CHRISTMAS GONE BY

By Corky Carroll

As Christmas is almost here I thought I would tell you about one that I had a few zillion years ago that I still remember fondly.  Wow, I can’t believe I just used the word “fondly.”  That is really not a word I use much in my daily vocabulary.  I have to be careful or I am going to become more librarianesque.  I don’t want that.  Let me rephrase that.  This is about a Christmas that I had a few zillion years ago that is still totally bitchin’ in my barely flickering memory bank.  

It was back in the late 1960’s and I was spending the bulk of the winter on the north shore of Oahu in Hawaii.  On Christmas Day a local guy named Al Dukes, who lived up on top of the hill above Pupakea, invited both myself and another surfer named Johnny Fain to have dinner with him and his wife at their house.  Johnny was a hot surfer and a good tennis player from Malibu at the time and had a great sense of humor, He and I used to hang out together surfing and playing tennis a little bit back then.  

It was a beautiful meal and we had eggnog and everything was fantastic.  Al’s house was set way back up in the pine trees and was a mountain cabin style A-frame.  It is cooler up there than down on the beach and it really had the feel of being in the mountains instead of being in what you would think of as Hawaii.  Beach and sun.  

After dinner we were sitting around talking and Johnny spotted a chess set sitting on a shelf.  He asked Al if he played chess and Al said he loved chess and they proceeded to get involved in what seemed like an eternity of what actually was only one game.  I knew nothing about chess at that time.  But it looked interesting.  

After they finished Johnny briefly showed me how to play and we had a few games.   He gave me both his castles and knights and still kicked my butt.   But it hooked me on the game.  I liked it.

After that we went back down to the beach and found perfect six to eight foot waves with nobody out at a spot called Kammieland.   A great way to finish off a nice Christmas Day.

The next day I went to town and bought two books on playing chess and a plastic chess set.  I read the books and started practicing on Rodney Sumpter, who I was sharing a house with that year.   Rodney knew how to play a little bit and at first beat me every time.  But I kept reading the books and practicing moves on my own and within a few days I had him dead every time.  Two weeks later I was finished with the books and had thumped Rodney over and over.   Now I was ready for Johnny Fain. 

I invited him over one night for dinner and he just happened to see the little plastic chess set sitting there.  I told him that I was keen on learning how to play after that Christmas at Al Dukes house.  So he offered to play me again under the same odds.  Giving me both castles and knights.   So I said ok and beat him in about 15 mins.  He thought I just lucked out and wanted to play again, this time keeping his knights.   I said ok but that we should play for $100.   He jumped at that and we played again and now he owed me $100.  Double or nothing and he only gives me one castle.  Done.  Now he owes me $200.   O.K., one more time double or nothing again and it is straight up even.. he doesn’t give me any pieces.   Now he owes me $400 and is really angry and stomps out of the house muttering that I had “hustled” him.   To this day Johnny Fain still owes me the $400 chess debt.   But, I don’t care about that.  I dig the dude and it was just one of those ultra competitive things that my rabid personality put me through back in the days when I was still surfing on the pro circuit and was like that.
Today my brain has a hard time concentrating on a game of “Fish.”

da Kine Creesmess Fairystory ~ THE WAVE

by Corky Carroll

For many years I used to try and redo “The Night Before Christmas” in a Surf City kinda version.  Finally I quit doing it as I figured that I had messed the thing up just about as many ways as I could figure out how to do.  A few weeks ago I was reminded of a Christmas Card that John Severson send out in 1966 and also printed it in SURFER magazine.  John was the owner and publisher at that time.  It is a Hawaiian version and was written by Robert, Raymond and Ronald Patterson.  The Patterson brothers were all from Hawaii and great surfers and they all worked for Hobie Surfboards in the factory.  Robert was the fiberglasser, Raymond was the glosser and Ronald was the sander.  They have all passed away but are remembered as three of the funniest and most talented dudes to ever walk the nose of a surfboard. So, with that in mind, it is my pleasure to share with you this rendition and also to wish you all a very cool Yule and a rockin’ new year.

“Once upon one time get dis big fat bugga in one da kine red and white Lauhala, he like take plenty toy stuffs to all da keikis roun da worl.  Chee, dis bugga so fass he make 'em all ovah da place in jes one nite.

     All ye-ah long he live in da snow by Califrisco somewhere, wid one whole bunch menehunes an dey make all kine toys like you nevah like beleve.

     Plenty ye-ahs was gone already and dis bugga never went stop in Hawaii, cause no more chimilys on da house, an he like show how he can clime down chimilys, expeshly da hard kine.

     One shocka day, dis small beachboy was bitin hes toenails and he went say, "Mo bettah I go write dis bugga, all da haole guys come ovah an dey tell me dis guy went give'em for Creesmess".  So he went write one letta to da Sandy Claws for get his okole ovah heah wid all da free toy stuffs.

     Jes cause dis, whatch you tink went happin da nex ye-ah?  Wen Chreesmess went come aroun, da small boy went put hes head ouside da window (he no comb hes hair you know) but he went spok dat Claws bugga way out on top da horizontals paddgeling for one big rave outsigh Public Bats.  Da ting was way ovah hes head, too.  He shoot'em all da way thru Cunha's, smokem thru Queens, an no keedin dis bugga had one big opu shakin jes like one ovah-ripe downside-up pineapple, an look like he nevah went shave for tree or even fo aloha weeks.  On top hes head had one big red papale, an I never beleve wen I went see da big Lauhala bag on top hes bak stay full of plenny toy stuffs.

     Wen da boy went see dis he went comb hes hair fass, brush hes teet wid Gleem, bite all hes dirty fingahnails off, an went run down fo see Sandy Claws land on da beach.

     Dis Claws wuz one shap surfer!  He went cut bak an ride da curl tru Canoe's and bye 'm bye went step right on da beach, an mo queeka den you can say Kuke Kahanamoku he went put all da toy stuffs an bawds in front da Royal Hawaiian Hotel.  Queek like one jax rabbits, he jump on hes bawd again an went padgle by Diamond Head for da horizontal.

     Even wen he was far away we went hear him excreem, 'MERRY CHREESMESS TO ALL YOU GUYS AN ALOHAAA”